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A book may be compared to the life of your neighbor. If it be good, it cannot last too long; if bad, you cannot get rid of it too early.
H. Brooke

A bore is a man who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company.
Gian Vincenzo Gravina

A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you.
Bert Leston Taylor

A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern.
Edgar A. Shoaff

A cynic is one who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
Oscar Wilde

A dozen press agents working overtime can do terrible things to the human spirit.
Cecil B. De Mille

A learned County Court judge in a book of memoirs recently said that the overwhelming amount of his time on the bench was taken up "with people who are persuaded by persons whom they do not know to enter into contracts that they do not understand to purchase goods that they do not want with money that they have not got."
Lord Greene

A little consideration, a little thought for others, makes all the difference.
Joan Powers

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
Oscar Wilde

A man never stands as tall as when he kneels to help a child.
Unknown

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
Gore Vidal

A prig is a fellow who is always making you a present of his opinions.
George Eliot

A reasonable man adapts himself to suit his environment. An unreasonable man persists in attempting to adapt his environment to suit himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
George Bernard Shaw

A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way.
John Tudor

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is statistics.
Josef Stalin

All government -- indeed, every human benefit and enjoyment, every virtue and every prudent act -- is founded on compromise and barter.
Edmund Burke

All humans are hypocrites; the biggest hypocrite of all is the one who claims to detest hypocrisy.
Peter Wastholm

All lies are told with a straight face. It is truth that's said with a dismissive giggle.
P. J. O'Rourke

All men are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality.
Jr. King

Always forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
John F. Kennedy

An enemy is anyone who tells the truth about you.
Elbert Hubbard

An excuse is the mark of a moral coward.
Joseph Cimino

An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought.
Simon Cameron

An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out.
Will Rogers

Baloney is flattery so thick that it can not be true and blarney is flattery so thin that we like it.
Fulton J. Sheen

Be polite to all, but intimate with few.
Thomas Jefferson

Be your own hero, it's cheaper than a movie ticket.
Doug Horton

Beat your own and others will fear you.
Unknown

Beauty is variable, ugliness is constant.
Doug Horton

Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.
Unknown

Beware of altruism. It is based on self-deception, the root of all evil.
Ayn Rand

Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.
Ambrose Bierce

Black, white, brown, yellow or even red, we piss with our pants down, and go naked to bed.
Mark van Essen

Boring people are a reflection of boring people.
Doug Horton

Buying a lie is one thing, giving it away for free is quite another.
Doug Horton

By means of shrewd lies, unremittingly repeated, it is possible to make people believe that heaven is hell -- and hell heaven. The greater the lie, the more readily it will be believed.
Adolf Hitler

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Albert Einstein

Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking.
Henry Louis Mencken

Criticism is prejudice made plausible.
Henry Louis Mencken

Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth.

Lillian Hellman

Cynics are made, not born.
Unknown

Cynics regard everybody as equally corrupt... Idealists regard everybody as equally corrupt, except themselves.
Robert Anton Wilson

Demagogue: One who preaches a doctrine he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.
Henry Louis Mencken

Do good by stealth.
Ray Prince

Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.
Unknown

Egoist: A person of low taste, more interested in themselves than in me.
Ambrose Bierce

Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain of being a damned fool.
Bellamy Brooks

Eulogy: Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.
Ambrose Bierce

Every age is fed on illusions, lest men should renounce life early and the human race come to an end.
Joseph Conrad

Every calling is great when greatly pursued.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.
P. J. O'Rourke

Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.
Unknown

Everything is permitted.
Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Familiarity breeds contempt.
Unknown

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Mark Twain

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Thomas Jones

George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but he also admitted doing it. Now, do you know why his father didn't punish him? Because George still had the axe in his hand.
Unknown

Getting caught is the mother of invention.
Robert Byrne

Give more than take.
Anthony J. D'Angelo

Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
Mark Twain

Grub first, then ethics.
Bertolt Brecht

Have a strong mind and a soft heart.
Anthony J. D'Angelo

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
H. H. Munro

He who hesitates is probably smart... or maybe stapled to the floor.
Dr. Squid

Heck, what's a little extortion among friends?
Bill Watterson

Hope is nature's veil for hiding truth's nakedness.
Alfred Nobel

How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a weary world.
William Shakespeare

Hypocrisy is the vaseline of social intercourse.
Unknown

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. Fields

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
A. Whitney Brown

I am prepared to meet anyone, but whether anyone is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Mark Twain

I can resist everything except temptation.
Oscar Wilde

I don't necessarily agree with everything I say.
Marshall McLuhan

I don't want any "yes-men" around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs.
Samuel Goldwyn

I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.
Ashleigh Brilliant

I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room.
Blaise Pascal

I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: "O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous." And God granted it.
Voltaire

I know the world isn't fair, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?
Bill Watterson

I never know how much of what I say is true.
Bette Midler

I use emotion for the many and reserve reason for the few.
Adolf Hitler

I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.
Groucho Marx

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
Groucho Marx

If a feller says, "It's not the money, it's the principle of the thing," it's the money.
Elbert Hubbard

If it looks like shit, smells like shit, mail it to your enemy -- he'll know what to do with it.
Doug Horton

If the destination is heaven, why do we scramble to be first in line for hell?
Doug Horton

If you love something, turn it loose. If it doesn't come back, kill it!
Doug Horton

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Earl Wilson

If you want to imagine the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face forever.
George Orwell

If you were arrested for kindness, would there be enough evidence to convict you?
Unknown

In nature, there are neither rewards nor punishments -- there are consequences.
Robert G. Ingersoll

In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart.
Anne Frank

In the country of the blind, the one-eyed man is king... and the one-eyed man with the high heels and the feather boa is queen.
Dr. Squid

In this world, there is one terrible thing, and that is that everyone has his reasons.
Jean Renoir

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
George Bernard Shaw

It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
Alfred Adler

It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.
Harry S Truman

It's better to be quotable than to be honest.
Tom Stoppard

It's not true that nice guys finish last. Nice guys are winners before the game even starts.
Addison Walker

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.
Mother Teresa

Kindness is the beginning of cruelty.
Frank Herbert

Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think, and a docudrama with ugly actors for those who film docudramas.
Dr. Squid

life? Well now, that's another story...
Dr. Squid

Live to learn, learn to live, then teach others.
Doug Horton

Love many, trust few, and always paddle your own canoe.
Unknown

Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose your neighborhood.
Louise Beal

Love your enemies: they'll go crazy trying to figure out what you're up to.
Unknown

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
Lily Tomlin

Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to.
Mark Twain

Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them.
Samuel Butler

Man usually avoids attributing cleverness to somebody else -- unless it is an enemy.
Albert Einstein

Materialism is the only form of distraction from true bliss.
Doug Horton

Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.
Unknown

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Ashleigh Brilliant

Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams.
Mary Ellen Kelly

Never ask the barber if you need a haircut.
Unknown

Never deprive someone of hope -- it may be all they have.
Unknown

Never give a sucker an even break and never smarten up a chump.
W. C. Fields

Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river.
Cordel Hull

Never tell the truth to those unworthy of it.
Mark Twain

Ninety percent of everything is crap.
Theodore Sturgeon

No good deed goes unpunished.
Clare Boothe Luce

No guest is so welcome in a friend's house that he will not become a nuisance after three days.
Titus Maccius Plautus

No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next.
E. W. Howe

On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks.
H. Allen Smith

Once you've tried to change the world you find it's a whole bunch easier to change your mind.
Unknown

One nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
Lucille S. Harper

Please don't lie to me, unless you're absolutely sure I'll never find out the truth.
Ashleigh Brilliant

Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy.
Ambrose Bierce

Power does not corrupt. Fear corrupts... perhaps the fear of a loss of power.
John Steinbeck

Smile, it's better than a poke in the eye.
Doug Horton

Smile, it's free therapy.
Doug Horton

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. Fields

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Unknown

Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
Abraham Lincoln

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
Unknown

Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.
Ann Landers

The art of giving is perfected through anonymity.
Doug Horton

The covers of this book are too far apart.
Ambrose Bierce

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
Henry Louis Mencken

The danger today is not so much that machines will learn to think and feel but that men will cease to do so.
Ferry

The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot.
Mark Twain

The Golden Rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules.
Unknown

The key to heaven's gate cannot be duplicated.
Doug Horton

The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well.
Joe Ancis

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
Oscar Wilde

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
George Bernard Shaw

The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
Oscar Wilde

The relationship between truth and a newspaper is like the relationship between the color green and the number seven. Occasionally you will see the number seven written in green, but you learn not to expect this.
Garrison Keillor

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.
Daniel Schorr

The simplest act of surrealism is to walk out into the street, gun in hand, and shoot at random.
André Breton

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.
Rita Mae Brown

The victor will never be asked if he told the truth.
Adolf Hitler

There are two reasons for doing something: a really good reason and the real reason.
Unknown

There's a fine line between participation and mockery.
Scott Adams

There's always an easy solution to every human problem -- neat, plausible, and wrong.
Henry Louis Mencken

Thinking good thoughts is not enough, doing good deeds is not enough, seeing others follow your good examples is enough.
Doug Horton

Though I am not naturally honest, I am so sometimes by chance.
William Shakespeare

To err is human, to blame the next guy even more so.
Unknown

Trust everybody, but cut the cards.
Unknown

Until he extends his circle of compassion to include all living things, man will not himself find peace.
Albert Schweitzer

We can do no great things; only small things with great love.
Mother Teresa

We have met the enemy, and he is us.
Walt Kelly

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.
Winston Churchill

We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?
Jean Cocteau

We should forgive our enemies, but only after they've been taken out and shot.
Unknown

Welcome thy neighbor into thy fallout shelter. He'll come in handy if you run out of food.
Dean McLaughlin

Whatever is not nailed down is mine. What I can pry loose is not nailed down.
Collis P. Huntington

When a man wants to murder a tiger, it's called sport; when the tiger wants to murder him, it's called ferocity.
George Bernard Shaw

When the government fears the people, we have liberty. When the people fear the government, we have tyranny.
Unknown

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
Oscar Wilde

You are cautious in showing your true self to others. Have you thought about plastic surgery?
Dr. Squid

You can fool too many of the people too much of the time.
James Thurber

You can't be truly rude until you understand good manners.
Rita Mae Brown

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