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'Twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
W. C. Fields

A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.
Doug Larson

A man is as good as he has to be, and a woman is as bad as she dares.
Elbert Hubbard

A man that studieth revenge keeps his own wounds green, which otherwise would heal and do well.
Francis Bacon

A man wrapped up in himself makes a pretty small package.
John Ruskin

A mountain wears down a horse, anger wears down a man.
Unknown

A reasonable man adapts himself to suit his environment. An unreasonable man persists in attempting to adapt his environment to suit himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
George Bernard Shaw

A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.
Rudyard Kipling

Alas, fortune does not change men; it unmasks them.
Stephen T. Steve

All men are equal; it is not birth, but virtue alone, that makes the difference.
Voltaire

All the way to heaven is heaven.
Unknown

Always do right -- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
Mark Twain

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
Mark Twain

Always forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
John F. Kennedy

Always tell the truth. That way, you don't have to remember what you said.
Mark Twain

An eye for an eye would make the whole world blind.
Mahatma Gandhi

And virtue, though in rags, will keep me warm.
John Dryden

Applause is the spur of noble minds, the end and aim of weak ones.
Charles Caleb Colton

As the fly bangs against the window attempting freedom while the door stands open, so we bang against death ignoring heaven.
Doug Horton

Bacchus: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.
Unknown

Be good and you will be lonesome.
Mark Twain

Be nice to people on your way up because you'll need them on your way down.
Wilson Mizner

Beats all the lies you can invent
William Blake

Being sorry is the highest act of selfishness, seeing value only after discarding it.
Doug Horton

Born a saint, die a sinner -- born a sinner, die a saint.
Doug Horton

Character is what you know you are, not what others think you have.
Marva Collins

Conscience is the window of our spirit, evil is the curtain.
Doug Horton

Coward: one who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
Ambrose Bierce

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Unknown

Don't wait for the last judgment; it takes place every day.
Albert Camus

Drugs are reality's legal loopholes.
Jeremy Preston Johnson

Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink.
Unknown

Everything in moderation -- including moderation.
Harvey Steiman

Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing.
Albert Schweitzer

For a man to achieve all that is demanded of him, he must regard himself as greater than he is.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Forget and forgive. This is not difficult when properly understood. It means forget inconvenient duties, then forgive yourself for forgetting. By rigid practice and stern determination, it comes easy.
Mark Twain

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Saint Augustine

Good people are good because they've come to wisdom through failure.
William Saroyan

Goodness is the only investment that never fails.
Henry David Thoreau

Great Spirit, help me never to judge another until I have walked in his moccasins for two weeks.
Unknown

He that is proud eats up himself; pride is his own glass, his own trumpet, his own chronicle.
William Shakespeare

He that leaveth nothing to Chance will do few things ill, but he will do few things.
Lord Halifax

He who is sorry for having sinned is almost innocent.
Seneca

He whose face gives no light shall never become a star.
William Blake

Honor isn't about making the right choices. It's about dealing with the consequences.
Midori Koto

How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these.
George Washington Carver

Humility is the first of the virtues -- for other people.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

I am not sincere, even when I say I am not.
Jules Renard

I am so evil that heaven won't take me and hell is afraid I'll take over.
Unknown

I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.
Garrison Keillor

I believe that every right implies a responsibility; every opportunity, an obligation; every possession, a duty.
John D. Rockefeller

I can resist everything except temptation.
Oscar Wilde

I drink to make other people interesting.
George Jean Nathan

I got a simple rule about everybody. If you don't treat me right, shame on you.
Louis Armstrong

I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.
George Bernard Shaw

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
Gore Vidal

I should not talk so much about myself were there anybody else whom I knew as well.
Henry David Thoreau

I want what I want when I want it!
Roy Horton

I will answer anything I can with honor, but not about others.
John Brown

I'd like to meet the man who invented sex and see what he's working on now.
Unknown

I'm not afraid of work... I can even sleep beside it.
Unknown

I've never met a healthy person who worried much about his health or a good person who worried much about his soul.
Haldane

If a law is unjust, a man is not only right to disobey it, he is obligated to do so.
Thomas Jefferson

If everyone would sweep in front of their own door, the whole world would be clean.
Unknown

If I didn't have a problem with alcohol, I'd drink all the time.
Havelock Ellis

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Abraham Lincoln

If only bad habits could be broken as easily as hearts!
Christopher Spranger

If only I could be respected without having to be respectable.
Unknown

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
Albert Einstein

If people talk negatively about you, live so that no one will believe them.
Unknown

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well dance with it.
George Bernard Shaw

If you give me six lines written by the most honest man, I will find something in them to hang him.
Cardinal Richelieu

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
Mark Twain

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
Mark Twain

If you treat a person as he is, he will remain as he is. If you treat him for what he could be, he will become what he could be.
Unknown

If you were arrested for kindness, would there be enough evidence to convict you?
Unknown

In adultery, there is usually tenderness and self-sacrifice; in murder, courage; in profanation and blasphemy, a certain satanic splendour. Judas elected those offences unvisited by any virtues: abuse of confidence and informing.
Jorge Luis Borges

In my day, we didn't have self-esteem, we had self-respect -- and no more of it than we had earned.
Jane Haddam

In order to preserve your self-respect, it is sometimes necessary to lie and cheat.
Robert Byrne

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Jr. King

Integrity without knowledge is weak and useless, and knowledge without integrity is dangerous and dreadful.
Samuel Johnson

It does not take much strength to do things, but it takes great strength to know what to do.
Jess Lair

It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.
Abraham Lincoln

It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when it is thrust into the affairs of another, from which some physiologists have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell.
Ambrose Bierce

It is always brave to say what everyone thinks.
Georges Duhamel

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
George Bernard Shaw

It is easier to fight for principles than to live up to them.
Alfred Adler

It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
Unknown

It is easier to point the finger than to offer a helping hand.
Unknown

It is not what we do, but also what we do not do, for which we are accountable.
Molière

It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue.
Voltaire

It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others.
John Andrew Holmes

It's very easy to forgive others their mistakes; it takes more gut and gumption to forgive them for having witnessed your own.
Jessamyn West

Jesus died for your sins. Make it worth his time.
Unknown

Kindness is loving people more than they deserve.
Joseph Joubert

Kinky is using a feather, perverted is using the whole chicken.
Unknown

Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.
Unknown

Let everyone sweep in front of his own door, and the whole world will be clean.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Let us so live that when we come to die, even the undertaker will be sorry.
Mark Twain

Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely.
Unknown

Life is like walking through snow: every step shows.
Jess Lair

Live so that your friends can defend you but never have to.
Arnold H. Glasgow

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.
Oscar Wilde

Most of the evils of life arise from man's being unable to sit still in a room.
Blaise Pascal

Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
Robert Orben

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
Abraham Lincoln

Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.
Isaac Asimov

No great scoundrel is ever uninteresting.
Murray Kempton

No problem is so formidable that you can't walk away from it.
Charles Schulz

On the whole, human beings want to be good -- but not too good and not quite all the time.
George Orwell

Paradise is exactly like where you are right now... only much, much better.
Laurie Anderson

Pardo's First Postulate: Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
Unknown

People who claim they don't let little things bother them have never slept in a room with a single mosquito.
Unknown

People who have no faults are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them.
Unknown

Punctuality is the virtue of the bored.
Evelyn Waugh

Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin.
Anatole France

Resisting temptation is easier when you think you'll probably get another chance later on.
Unknown

Revenge is sleeping with your enemy's wife. Sweet revenge is the realization that she's a lousy lay.
Unknown

Some people are sympathetic; others are just pathetic.
Peter Wastholm

Sweet are the slumbers of the virtuous man.
Joseph Addison

Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself.
Friedrich Nietzsche

That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them.
Dorothy Parker

The church is near but the road is icy; the bar is far away but I'll walk carefully.
Unknown

The church saves sinners, but science seeks to stop their manufacture.
Elbert Hubbard

The greatest reward for doing is the opportunity to do more.
Jonas Salk

The greatest virtues are those which are most useful to other persons.
Aristotle

The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be.
Socrates

The more debauched one becomes, the more one's fantasies revolve around chastity.
Christopher Spranger

The more you put into life, the less you will get.
Unknown

The only people you should try to get even with are those who have helped you.
Unknown

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Edmund Burke

The only tyrant I accept in this world is the still voice within.
Mahatma Gandhi

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
Oscar Wilde

The Puritans hated bear-baiting, not because it gave pain to the bear, but because it gave pleasure to the spectators.
Thomas Macaulay

The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.
Unknown

The scriptures teach us the best way of living, the noblest ways of suffering, and the most comfortable ways of dying.
Unknown

The superfluous is very necessary.
Voltaire

The time is always right to do what is right
Jr. King

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
Jr. King

There is no bad in good.
Doug Horton

There is not any memory with less satisfaction than the memory of some temptation we resisted.
James Branch Cabell

These days, the wages of sin depend on what kind of deal you make with the devil.
Kara Vichko

They are never alone who are accompanied by noble thoughts.
Philip Sidney

To err is human, to forgive divine.
Alexander Pope

To forget is human, to forgive divine.
Marc Spierings

Too much of a good thing is just that.
Brian J. Dent

Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
Mae West

Truth fears no questions.
Unknown

Virtue is insufficient temptation.
George Bernard Shaw

Virtue is its own reward. There's a pleasure in doing good which sufficiently pays itself.
Sir John Vanbrugh

We are more apt to catch the vices of others than their virtues, as disease is far more contagious than health.
Charles Caleb Colton

We promise according to our hopes and perform according to our fears.
La Rochefoucauld

When choosing between evils, I always like to take the one I've never tried before.
Mae West

When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better.
Mae West

When men grow virtuous in their old age, they only make a sacrifice to God of the devil's leavings.
Jonathan Swift

When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.
Unknown

When you're angry, take a deep breath and count to ten. When you're really angry, swear.
Unknown

While having never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several.
Unknown

Wisdom is knowing what to do next; virtue is doing it.
David Star Jordan

Yield to temptation -- it may not pass your way again.
Robert A. Heinlein

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
Dean Martin

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