Altruism and Cynicism | Art and Literature | Food and Drink | Happiness and Misery | Health and Disease | Law and Politics | Life and Death | Love and Hate | Men and Women | Science and Religion | Success and Failure | Uncategorized | Vice and Virtue | War and Peace | Wealth and Poverty | Wisdom and Ignorance | Work and Recreation

---

"How long does getting thin take?" Pooh asked anxiously.
A. A. Milne

A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on.
Carl Sandburg

A child is a person who can't understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten.
Doug Larson

A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.
Herbert Prochnow

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is statistics.
Josef Stalin

After I'm dead, I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
Marcus Porcius Cato

All animals except man know that the ultimate of life is to enjoy it.
Samuel Butler

All I ask of life is a constant and exaggerated sense of my own importance.
Unknown

All I desire for my own burial is not to be buried alive.
The Earl of Chesterfield

all kinds.
Unknown

All the things one has forgotten scream for help in dreams.
Elias Canetti

All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
Sean O'Casey

Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.
Unknown

Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out.
Anton Chekhov

Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway.
Steven Coallier

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
Plato

Bad men live that they may eat and drink, whereas good men eat and drink that they may live.
Socrates

Be an optimist -- at least until they start moving animals in pairs to Cape Kennedy.
Unknown

Beauty: That power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
Ambrose Bierce

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
Karl Wallenda

Born to be wild -- live to outgrow it.
Doug Horton

Caution: breathing may be hazardous to your health.
Unknown

Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.
Unknown

Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next.
Franklin P. Jones

Children aren't happy without something to ignore, and that's what parents were created for.
Ogden Nash

Children in the front seat cause accidents, accidents in the back seat cause children.
Unknown

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
Unknown

Cox's Philosophy: Life's a bitch, and then you die.
Unknown

Death and taxes may always be with us, but death at least doesn't get any worse.
Unknown

Death is feared as birth is forgotten.
Doug Horton

Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
Unknown

Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
R. Geis

Death is nature's way of recycling human beings.
Unknown

Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
Unknown

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Woody Allen

Death is the final wake-up call.
Doug Horton

Death meant little to me. It was the last joke in a series of bad jokes.
Charles Bukowski

Decay is inherent in all compounded things. Strive on with diligence.
Buddha

Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.
John Barrymore

Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.
Unknown

Don't die until you're dead.
Unknown

Don't take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.
Elbert Hubbard

Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you. They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.
Unknown

Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that's the stuff life is made of.
Benjamin Franklin

Drive slow and enjoy the scenery -- drive fast and join the scenery.
Doug Horton

Ducharm's Axiom: If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize yourself as part of the problem.
Unknown

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
W. Somerset Maugham

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Unknown

Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.
Unknown

Either those curtains go or I do.
Oscar Wilde

Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.
Kehlog Albran

Every time a baby is born, so is a grandmother.
Unknown

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Unknown

Fairy tales: Horror stories for children to get them used to reality.
Unknown

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.
Doug Larson

Figure it out. Work a lifetime to pay off a house. You finally own it and there's no one to live in it.
Arthur Miller

For those who fight for it, life has a flavor the sheltered will never know.
Unknown

Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age.
Victor Hugo

Genealogy is based on the obviously silly idea that there is no such thing as a bastard.
Nicolas Martin

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Voltaire

Goodbye. I am leaving because I am bored.
George Saunders

Growing old is not growing up.
Doug Horton

Happiness in the present is only shattered by comparison with the past.
Doug Horton

Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling.
Margaret Lee Runbeck

Hard reality has a way of cramping your style.
Daniel Dennett

He who has the courage to laugh is almost as much a master of the world as he who is ready to die.
Giacomo Leopardi

He who learns and runs away, lives to learn another day.
Edward Lee Thorndike

Heed not my earthly lot, for it hath little of earth in it.
Edgar Allan Poe

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.
William Allen White

I don't feel good.
Luther Burbank

I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.
Samuel Goldwyn

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality by living forever.
Woody Allen

I have all the time in the world to worry about death when I am dead.
Leonard Reiss

I have long considered it one of God's greatest mercies that the future is hidden from us. If it were not, life would surely be unbearable.
Eugene Forsey

I hope life isn't a joke, because I don't get it.
Jack Handey

I kept on digging the hole deeper and deeper looking for the treasure chest until I finally lifted my head, looked up and realised that I had dug my own grave.
Dominic

I never think of the future -- it will come soon enough.
Albert Einstein

I wouldn't mind dying -- it's that business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
R. Geis

I'd rather die while I'm living than live while I'm dead.
Jimmy Buffett

I'm gonna live forever, or die trying.
Joseph Heller

I'm prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday life.
Unknown

I've been trying for some time to develop a life style that doesn't require my presence.
Gary Trudeau

I've never been this old in my entire life.
Rev. J. D. O'Neal

If death did not exist today it would be necessary to invent it.
Count Jean Baptiste Milhoud

If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive.
Samuel Goldwyn

If time be of all things most precious, wasting time must be the greatest prodigality, since lost time is never found again; and what we call time enough always proves little enough.
Benjamin Franklin

If we catch a glimpse of freedom, we wish to possess it; if we catch a glimpse of death, we want nothing to do with it. One we cannot have, the other we cannot avoid.
Jeremy Preston Johnson

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Earl Wilson

If you're here, you're alive.
Unknown

In our society, any man who doesn't cry at his mother's funeral is liable to be condemned to death.
Albert Camus

In the end, everything is a gag.
Charlie Chaplin

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
Benjamin Franklin

Insisting on perfect safety is for people who don't have the balls to live in the real world.
Unknown

It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
Euripides

It is the deed that teaches, not the name we give it. Murder and capital punishment are not the opposites that cancel one another, but similars that breed the same kind.
George Bernard

It takes 8,460 bolts to assemble an automobile, and one nut to scatter it all over the road.
Unknown

It was a Roman who said it was sweet to die for one's country. The Greeks never said it was sweet to die for anything. They had no vital lies.
Edith Hamilton

It's better to waste one's youth than to do nothing with it at all.
Georges Courteline

It's like déjà vu all over again.
Yogi Berra

It's not a question of happiness, it's a requirement. Consider the alternative.
Doug Horton

Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.
Unknown

Let us so live that when we come to die, even the undertaker will be sorry.
Mark Twain

Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.
Paul Gauguin

Life is a fatal, sexually transmitted disease.
Unknown

Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint you can at it.
Danny Kaye

Life is a rollercoaster. Try to eat a light lunch.
David A. Schmaltz

Life is a tale told by an idiot -- full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
William Shakespeare

Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think, and a docudrama with ugly actors for those who film docudramas.
Dr. Squid

Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think.
Jean de la Bruyère

Life is an unbroken succession of false situations.
Thornton Wilder

Life is but a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream.
Mark Twain

Life is good when we think it's good. Life is bad when we don't think.
Doug Horton

Life is like a box of chocolates... you never know what you're gonna get.
Winston Groom

Life is like a raffle -- you must be present to win.
Unknown

Life is like a sewer -- what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
Tom Lehrer

Life is made up of marble and mud.
Nathaniel Hawthorne

Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways.
Stephen Vincent Benét

Life is ours to be spent, not saved.
D. H. Lawrence

Life is short. Live it up.
Nikita Khrushchev

Life is the childhood of our immortality.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Life is too important to take seriously.
Corky Siegel

Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans.
John Lennon

Life's a bitch, and life's got lots of sisters.
Ross Presser

Life's a bitch, and then she has puppies.
Unknown

life? Well now, that's another story...
Dr. Squid

Live to win, dare to fail.
James Hetfield

Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun.
Unknown

Living your life is a task so difficult, it has never been attempted before.
Unknown

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
William Shakespeare

Luck can't last a lifetime unless you die young.
Russell Banks

Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself.
Unknown

Mankind terminated, man what a break.
Mark van Essen

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Aldous Huxley

Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
Ogden Nash

Middle age is youth without levity. And old age without decay.
Daniel Defoe

Millions long for immortality but do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Susan Ertz

My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there.
Charles F. Kettering

Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
Brendan Gill

Not everyone born in a stable thinks himself a horse.
Unknown

Nothing endures but change.
Heraclitus

Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives.
Maurice Chevalier

Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man.
Leon Trotsky

Parents are traffic signs that are always in our blind spots.
Jeremy Preston Johnson

Plato was a bore.
Friedrich Nietzsche

Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.
Ambrose Bierce

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Albert Einstein

Sanity is madness put to good use.
George Santayana

Search for meaning, eat, sleep. Search for meaning, eat, sleep. Die, search for meaning, search for meaning, search for meaning.
Doug Horton

Seeing the light is a choice, not seeing the light is no choice.
Doug Horton

Sloppy, raggedy-assed old life. I love it. I never want to die.
Dennis Trudell

Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them.
Ed Howe

The best inheritance a parent can give to his children is a few minutes of their time each day.
M. Grundler

The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
Unknown

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
Abraham Lincoln

The brave don't live forever, but the cautious don't live at all. Here's to the brave!
Timothy Luce

The chief danger in life is that you may take too may precautions.
Alfred Adler

The difficulty in life is the choice.
George Moore

The Earth is the cradle of the mind -- but one cannot eternally live in a cradle.
Konstantin E. Tsiolkovsky

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
Jack Handey

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.
Clarence Darrow

The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man it is to know that and to wonder at it.
Jacques Cousteau

The idea is to die young as late as possible.
Ashley Montagu

The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
Unknown

The quality of a person's life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor.
Vincent T. Lombardi

The secret to life is that there is no secret.
Unknown

There are no passengers on Spaceship Earth. Everybody's crew.
Marshall McLuhan

There is only one blasphemy, and that is the refusal to experience joy.
Paul Rudnick

Thoughts are the gun, words are the bullets, deeds are the target, the bulls-eye is heaven.
Doug Horton

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
Hector Berlioz

Time stands still for no man.
Leonard Reiss

To awake from death is to die in peace.
Doug Horton

To be matter of fact about the world is to blunder into fantasy -- and dull fantasy at that, as the real world is strange and wonderful.
Robert A. Heinlein

To be prepared against surprise is to be trained. To be prepared for surprise is to be educated.
James Carse

To live a perfect life, you must ask nothing, give nothing, and expect nothing.
Unknown

To rid ourselves of our shadows -- who we are -- we must step into either total light or total darkness. Goodness and evil.
Jeremy Preston Johnson

Too much credit is given to the end result. The true lesson is in the struggle that takes place between the dream and reality. That struggle is a thing called life!
Garth Brooks

Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
Unknown

Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of life is, but rather recognize that it is he who is asked.
Viktor Frankl

Until you value yourself, you will not value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.
M. Scott Peck

We all have to die some day, if we live long enough.
Dave Farber

We are all serving a life sentence, and good behaviour is our only hope for a pardon.
Doug Horton

We are here to add what we can to life, not to get what we can from it.
William Osler

We come and go just like ripples in a stream.
John V. Politis

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Phyllis Diller

What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.
Friedrich Nietzsche

What makes old age so sad is not that our joys but our hopes cease.
Jean Paul Richter

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
Ursula K. LeGuin

When you look long into an abyss, the abyss looks into you.
Friedrich Nietzsche

When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.
Unknown

While seeking revenge, dig two graves -- one for yourself.
Doug Horton

Why ask why? If it's raining it just is.
Doug Horton

Without the threat of death there's no reason to live at all.
Brian Warner

Yesterday is but today's memory, and tomorrow is today's dream.
Kahlil Gibran

You are only young once... but you can be immature your whole life.
Unknown

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.
Franklin P. Jones

You draw nothing out of the bank of life except what you deposit in it.
Unknown

Back to top